I sit here with my eyes still burning and tingling after crying and having a "weltdown" with Caroline. Yes, that's "weltdown" since "we" had a "meltdown" at the same time.
If anyone was watching (other than our gracious God), I would NEVER EVER receive the Mother-of-the-Year award for the show I just put on. *Sigh....
I was not giving her the attention she apparently wanted so she started crying. I thought she might be hungry, even though it was close to nap time. So, we tried food. No. She just screamed. So, then I tried to get her to sleep. No. She didn't want to be rocked. She just screamed. Tried to lay down with her on my bed. No. She just screamed.
Do you sense a pattern here? :)
While I was trying to determine what was wrong with her (gave her teething tablets, gas drops, orajel, and a cup of water) NOTHING was working. It just kept wearing on me until I snapped. Crying and screaming myself (must have been super ugly) I clearly did not help the situation. So, after I called out loud to God for help and strength and He starting pulling me back to reality, I began to pray and then feel guilty and feel like the biggest failure EVER!
Why is it that I am so capable of becoming unglued by simple things sometimes? Ever been there? Ever let your hormones dictate your actions and your reactions? Ever let your almost 2 year old control your feelings and your actions? Ouch...that hurts me to type!
After God got my attention during my spell, one thing that helped me was to think about the inspiration I have been receiving from the new book I am reading called "Be the Mom." Dude, this book will OPEN your eyes!!!! I feel like the author is writing about ME sometimes! It's so convicting, but I feel like right now it's something God is really trying to work with me on. So glad He's long-suffering too! :(
God has given me two very different, but beautiful and smart girls to try to raise. It's my job to "Be the Mom" and not fall down and start kicking and screaming with them, even though it's hard sometimes. :) Pray for me that I would do better! It's days like this that make me wonder why I ever tried to do this stay-at-home thing, but then tomorrow might be one of those days where I wouldn't trade it for anything. Pray that God would get ahold of my attitude. It's pretty raunchy about almost everything way too much. Pray that God would magnify the good things I do and my children see and minimize those that are not showing the good side of me. Being a mama is hard work and a serious job! I appreciate your prayers! :)
1 comment:
Yes ma'am! We all have those days!! I hate to see them come and I LOVE to see them leave. I usually feel like a failure on more days than feeling like much of a success. But I figure that's just 1 for me over that ole Devil...maybe it means I'm doing something right after all!
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